Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
