he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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