we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
