help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
