sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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