If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
