i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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