i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
