i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
