I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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