I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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