I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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