I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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