She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
