Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
