Where is the hickey?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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