My room smells like vodka and shame
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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