just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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