you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
