So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
