Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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