someone owes me an orgasm
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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