Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
