yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
