One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's great music for shaving your balls
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize