whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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