she woke up with a sticky ear
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
