And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I need water and some morals
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
