Can Purell be used as lube?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
