So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
