i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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