The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
