I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
