I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
