He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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