At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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