This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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