I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
