ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
