you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
