So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
