Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he puts the penis in happiness.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
