she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
