and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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