Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
