No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
