You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
