only if we run a train.
done.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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