More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
