She said her name was "party"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
