I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
