I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
