I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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