Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
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Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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