We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
