mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Pants are for mortals
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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