woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize