I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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