Have you finally orgasmed yet?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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