thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
