I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
