i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
