Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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