I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
