No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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