I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sext me about skeletons
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
