my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
