I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
