I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
