I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
