I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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