why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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