I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
