gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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