i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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