Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
