I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
