Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
